Seriously needs caching. SRSLY

<?php
        class ImageGeneration {
                function getInfo($name) {
                        $this->loadDefaultInfo();
                        $XML = new XMLReader;
                        $XML->open("http://chat.hypermutt.net/online/user/".$name.".xml");
                        $wn = array();

                        while($XML->read()) {
                                if ($XML->nodeType == XMLReader::ELEMENT) {
                                        $wn[] = $XML->name;
                                }
                                if ($XML->nodeType == XMLReader::TEXT) {
                                        if ("user/info/nick" == implode('/', $wn)) {
                                                $this->name = $XML->value . ". ";
                                        }
                                        if ("user/info/online" == implode('/', $wn)) {
                                                $this->away = ($XML->value == "TRUE") ? true : false;
                                        }


                                        if ("user/info/connected" == implode('/', $wn)) {
                                                $this->onlinefor = strtotime($XML->value);
                                        }
                                        if ("user/info/timenow" == implode('/', $wn)) {
                                                $sc = (strtotime($XML->value) - $this->onlinefor);
                                                $t = floor($sc/86400);
                                                        $c["days"] = ($t > 0) ? $t."D " : ""; $sc = ($sc-$t*86400);
                                                $t = floor($sc/3600);
                                                        $c["hours"] = ($t > 0) ? $t."H " : ""; $sc = ($sc-$t*3600);
                                                $t = floor($sc/60);
                                                        $c["minutes"] = ($t > 0) ? $t."M " : "";
                                                $this->onlinefor = $c["days"].$c["hours"].$c["minutes"];
                                        }
                                        

                                        if ("user/info/away" == implode('/', $wn)) {
                                                $this->away = ($XML->value == "TRUE") ? true : false;
                                        }
                                        if ("user/info/awaymsg" == implode('/', $wn)) {
                                                $this->awaymessage = $XML->value;
                                        }
                                        if ("user/channels/channel/name" == implode('/', $wn)) {
                                                $this->channels .= str_replace('#','',$XML->value)." ";
                                        }
                                }
                                if ($XML->nodeType == XMLReader::END_ELEMENT) {
                                        array_pop($wn);
                                }
                        }
                        $XML->close();
                }
                
                function loadDefaultInfo() {
                        $this->name = ". ";
                        $this->online = true;
                        $this->onlinefor = "";
                        $this->away = true;
                        $this->awaymessage = "";
                        $this->channels = "";
                }
        
                function drawImage() {
                        header("Content-type: image/png");
                        $image = imagecreatefrompng("background.png");
                                $white = imagecolorallocate($image, 255, 255, 255);
                                $red   = imagecolorallocate($image, 255, 0, 0);
                                $green = imagecolorallocate($image, 0, 255, 0);
                                $feb = "slkscreb.ttf";
                                $fnn = "slkscr.ttf";
                        
                        $sizes["name"]   = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, $this->name);
                        $sizes["online"] = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, "online: ");
                        $sizes["away"]   = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, "away: ");
                        $sizes["yes"]    = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, "yes ");
                        $sizes["#"]     = imagettfbbox(6, 0, $feb, "#: ");
                        
                        imagettftext($image, 6, 0, 22, 8, -$white, $feb, $this->name);
                        imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4]), 8, -$white, $feb, "online:");
                        imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + ($sizes["online"][4] - $sizes["away"][4])), 18, -$white, $feb, "away:");
                        imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + ($sizes["online"][4] - $sizes["#"][4])),    28, -$white, $feb, "#: ");
                        
                        imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4]),  8, -(($this->online) ? $green : $red), $feb, (($this->online) ? "yes" : "no"));
                        imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4]), 18, -((!$this->away)  ? $green : $red), $feb, (($this->away)   ? "yes" : "no"));
                        
                        if ($this->online)
                                imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4] + $sizes["yes"][4]),  8, $white, $fnn, $this->onlinefor);
                        if ($this->away)
                                imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4] + $sizes["yes"][4]), 18, $white, $fnn, $this->awaymessage);
                        imagettftext($image, 6, 0, (22 + $sizes["name"][4] + $sizes["online"][4]), 28, $white, $fnn, $this->channels);
                        
                        imagepng($image);
                        imagedestroy($image);
                }
        }
        
        $x = new ImageGeneration;
        $x->getInfo($_GET['name']);
        $x->drawImage();
?>

// Regex Code (lol)

  def parseForVoolish(voolishContent)
    rExps = {}
    rExps[:isVool] = /<<(.+)>>/
    rExps[:voolType] = /<<([a-zA-Z]+) (.+)\s*>>/
    rExps[:typeless] = /<< (.+)\s*>>/
    rExps[:splitQuote] = /\s*---\s*/
    rExps[:splitIRC] = /\s*<<\s*/
    parsedContent = {}

    if voolishContent =~ rExps[:isVool]
      parsedContent[:type] = 'Voolish'
      if voolishContent =~ rExps[:voolType]
        parsedContent[:type] = "#$1"
        tempContent = "#$2"
      else
        parsedContent[:type] = 'link'
        voolishContent =~ rExps[:typeless]
        tempContent = "#$1"
      end
    else
      parsedContent[:type] = 'thought'
      tempContent = voolishContent
    end
    
    if parsedContent[:type] == 'link'
      tempContent = tempContent.split(/\s*<<\s*/)
      if tempContent.length == 1
        parsedContent[:content] = tempContent[0]
      elsif tempContent.length == 2
        parsedContent[:content] = '' + tempContent[0]  + '">' + tempContent[1] +  ''
      elsif tempContent.length == 3 # Fix (link_to_remote is a function - parameters?
        parsedContent[:content] = '' + tempContent[0]  + '">' + tempContent[1] +  ' ' + tempContent[2]
      end
    end
    
    if parsedContent[:type] == 'thought'
      parsedContent[:content] = tempContent
    end
    
    if parsedContent[:type] == 'tip'
      parsedContent[:content] = tempContent
    end

    if parsedContent[:type] == 'quote'
      tempContent = tempContent.split(rExps[:splitQuote])
      parsedContent[:content] = tempContent[0] , content_tag("small", [" — ", tempContent[1]])
    end

    if parsedContent[:type] == 'irc'
      tempContent = tempContent.split(rExps[:splitQuote])
      ircContent = tempContent[0].gsub(rExps[:splitIRC], '
')
      if tempContent.length == 1
        parsedContent[:content] = ircContent
      elsif tempContent.length == 2
        parsedContent[:content] = ircContent , content_tag("small", [" — ", tempContent[1]])
      end
    end

    return parsedContent
  end

// ==UserScript==
// @name          Dreams
// @description   Sets new TDZK accessKeys
// @include       *
// ==UserScript==

(function() {
        function $(id) { return document.getElementById(id) }
        function $$(parent, childs) { return parent.getElementsByTagName(childs) }
        
        window.addEventListener("load", function() {
                // Dock
                as = $$(document, 'a');
                for (i=0; i<as.length; i++) {
                        temp = as[i].href.split("?")
                        if (temp[0] == 'http://nomad.tdzk.com/station/reqDock') {
                                as[i].accessKey = "x"
                        }
                }
                
                // Trade goods
                if ($('tradeform')) {
                        rows = $$($$($('tradeform'), 'tbody')[0], 'tr');
                        for (i=0; i<rows.length; i++) {
                                row = rows[i]
                                accessKeyToAdd = ((i+1) == 10) ? '/' : ((i+1) == 11) ? '*' : ((i+1) == 12) ? '-' : (i+1);
                                rowa = $$(row, 'a')
                                if (rowa[0]) {
                                        rowa[0].accessKey = accessKeyToAdd
                                }
                        }
                }
        }, false);
})();

// ==UserScript==
// @name          Dreams
// @description   Sets new TDZK accessKeys
// @include       *
// ==UserScript==

(function() {
        function $(id) { return document.getElementById(id) }
        function $$(parent, childs) { return parent.getElementsByTagName(childs) }
        
        window.addEventListener("load", function() {
                // Dock
                as = $$(document, 'a');
                for (i=0; i<as.length; i++) {
                        temp = as[i].href.split("?")
                        if (temp[0] == 'http://nomad.tdzk.com/station/reqDock') {
                                as[i].accessKey = "x"
                        }
                }
                
                // Trade goods
                if ($('tradeform')) {
                        rows = $$($$($('tradeform'), 'tbody')[0], 'tr');
                        for (i=0; i<rows.length; i++) {
                                row = rows[i]
                                accessKeyToAdd = ((i+1) == 10) ? '/' : ((i+1) == 11) ? '*' : ((i+1) == 12) ? '-' : (i+1);
                                rowa = $$(row, 'a')
                                if (rowa[0]) {
                                        rowa[0].accessKey = accessKeyToAdd
                                }
                        }
                }
        }, false);
})();

// ==UserScript==
// @name          Dreams
// @description   Sets new TDZK accessKeys
// @include       *
// ==UserScript==

(function() {
        function $(id) { return document.getElementById(id) }
        function $$(parent, childs) { return parent.getElementsByTagName(childs) }
        
        window.addEventListener("load", function() {
                // Dock
                as = $$(document, 'a');
                for (i=0; i<as.length; i++) {
                        temp = as[i].href.split("?")
                        if (temp[0] == 'http://nomad.tdzk.com/station/reqDock') {
                                as[i].accessKey = "x"
                        }
                }
                
                // Trade goods
                if ($('tradeform')) {
                        rows = $$($$($('tradeform'), 'tbody')[0], 'tr');
                        for (i=0; i<rows.length; i++) {
                                row = rows[i]
                                accessKeyToAdd = ((i+1) == 10) ? '/' : ((i+1) == 11) ? '*' : ((i+1) == 12) ? '-' : (i+1);
                                rowa = $$(row, 'a')
                                if (rowa[0]) {
                                        rowa[0].accessKey = accessKeyToAdd
                                }
                        }
                }
        }, false);
})();